The Inner Voice — My Ruby Slippers

I think of my Inner Voice, my connection to Higher Consciousness, as my own pair of ruby slippers.

It always knows the way home.

And by home, I mean the place inside me where peace returns. Where the waters settle. Where I feel centered again, gathered again, held again. It is the place where the small, striving self softens into something wider, wiser, and more whole.

Home is the lily pad I can land on when life feels chaotic. It is the deep well I can dip into when I am standing at a threshold, uncertain of what comes next. It is where I bring the simplest and most profound question:

What now?

The difficult part, for most of us, is not whether the Inner Voice exists. We have all known its presence.

We know what it feels like to receive an idea, an inspiration, a nudge, a sudden knowing, a quiet premonition. We know the whisper that arrives beneath all the noise. We know the strange rightness of it.

The harder part is surrendering to it.

The Inner Voice arrives when we make room for it.

Sometimes it comes in meditation or contemplation. Sometimes in silence. Sometimes on a walk, when the body has softened and the eyes are simply receiving trees, sky, wind, light. Sometimes it appears in the small pause we create before reacting, deciding, explaining, or forcing.

It comes quietly, often like mist settling around the edges of consciousness. It doesn’t announce itself with thunder. It does not shout over our fear. It waits for stillness. Then, gently, it answers the question that has been pulsing in us like a heartbeat.

And the answers are often not what we expect.

They may surprise us. They may humble us. They may ask us to pause when we wanted to rush, to move when we wanted to hide, to forgive when we wanted to harden, to choose ourselves when we were still waiting for permission.

You know the answer is true when you feel the energy of a bullseye—the arrow finding its mark. There is a quality of recognition. A sense of, Yes. That is it.

Not because the answer is always easy, but because it carries a different vibration. It is cleaner. Calmer. Less tangled. It does not feel like a thought you wrestled into place. It feels received.

There is a quiet exhilaration when the Inner Voice has spoken.

It does not only guide. It also comforts.

At times, it feels like a loving presence gathering us into its lap, rocking us back into calm and safety. It encourages our courage. It reminds us that we are not abandoned inside our own lives. It helps us shake off the dust of confusion and remember that the next step does not have to be forced.

It can be heard.

It can be received.

It can be followed.

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How to Access the Inner Voice

The Inner Voice will find you whenever you open yourself to receive it. It can be as minuscule as a conscious pause.

For me, it often comes on a nature walk. When I am not trying to solve anything, when I am simply appreciating beauty and letting the day touch me, it joins me. It slips in through the senses. It arrives when I am available.

But you can also invite it more intentionally.

Take out your journal. Sit quietly for a few moments. Let your breath slow. Let the surface noise begin to settle.

Then write the question that is burning in you.

It may be something large:

What am I being called toward now?
What am I not willing to see?
What is the next true step?

Or something very simple:

What do I need to know today?

Close your eyes for a moment. Then begin writing as though a wiser, loving presence is speaking directly to you. You might begin with an endearing salutation:

Dearest One,
Beloved,
My Sweetheart,

Then let the pen move.

Do not interrupt the flow with judgment. Do not edit. Let the words come before you decide whether they make sense.

If, when you finish, you do not fully understand what you have written, let it rest. Return to it a few days later. Inner Guidance often reveals itself in layers.

But if something shifts as you write—if you feel softened, steadied, humbled, empowered, relieved, or suddenly clear—pay attention. That may be the moment the Inner Voice has broken through the noise.

You will usually know the difference between true guidance and a looping series of egoic thoughts.

Ego tends to leave behind agitation. Fear remains. Doubt tightens. Restlessness continues.

Inner Guidance, even when it challenges you, often brings peace. It has an energetic clarity to it. An aha. A sense of alignment. A feeling that something inside you has exhaled.

Make listening a practice.

Not as a performance. Not as a way to become more spiritual. But as a daily act of returning to your own inner sanctuary.

Ask for guidance as naturally as you brush your teeth. Ask in the morning. Ask before a difficult conversation. Ask before a decision. Ask when you feel lost. Ask when you feel grateful. Ask when you do not know what else to do.

And when guidance comes, savor it.

Nourish the relationship.

Honor the fact that you are not walking through this life with only your intellect, your history, your defenses, and your plans. Something quieter is also walking with you. Something luminous. Something trustworthy.

The ruby slippers were never outside you.

The way home was always within.

Love,

Angelique

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If you’d like to spend more time with my work, you’re welcome to explore earlier pieces in this space, including the Emergence Codes and the Radiance Codes, and my “Living Out Loud” series. Click on the image below:

I’m really glad you’re here.

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Check out my new book: Unlock Your Potential with the EnteleKeys and take the free EnteleKeys Reveal assessment.

Okay.

You’ve named the pain you are tolerating. 

You’ve said “No” to the Toleration. 

You’ve shared your essential Truth with another…about who you are, how you feel. 

You’ve received the blow-back, the questions, the challenges and/or the new opportunities

Now what?

Now, you learn to walk in your Truth. To build the zone of Authenticity and Grace into which to invite others.  

This part of the journey is about integration. 

It’s about becoming the woman who no longer bends herself to fit old expectations.

It’s about embodying the new agreements you’ve made with yourself.

It’s about facing what happens when the world—the people you love—responds to your change

The Post-Boundary Glow... and the Shadow

After you’ve said the hard no. After you’ve honored your inner knowing. After you’ve stood in your truth.

There is a hush. A space. A new lightness.

But also—sometimes—a ripple.

Some relationships feel strained. Others feel wounded. Some vanish without warning. And others react with guilt, anger, or distance.

This is one of the hardest and most tender parts of reclaiming your light:

Not Everyone will Rise with You.

What Happens to Relationships When You Stop Tolerating

When you begin to honor your boundaries, the people around you may not know how to respond. You are no longer playing your old role. You are shifting the unspoken contract.

And that shift can feel like betrayal—to them.

They may say:

“I would never say “no” to you.”

“You don’t love me the way I love you.”

“I don’t know you anymore.”

“You’ve changed.”

“I guess I can’t talk to you anymore.”

“Why are you making everything about you?”

Or they may go silent. Withdraw. Push back.

This is not a sign that you are wrong. It’s a sign that something in the dynamic has been exposed.

When you stop tolerating what once kept the peace, you invite real truth into the space. And real truth sometimes burns before it heals.

How to Navigate the Shift

Your self-evolution may outgrow a relationship—and that doesn't mean you're failing at connection. It means you're becoming.

You are no longer performing roles that erase your soul. You are no longer shrinking so others can stay comfortable.

Some relationships may dissolve. Some may transform. And some may surprise you.

Give affected people time, or a time-out to process if there is continued dissonance. Your dialog should come from a place of non-judgment and revelation of your own truth and feeling. Your listening to them will be open, receptive and wholly present and appreciative. Provide reassurance that resilience is available.

There may be grief to feel, acknowledge, and move through. Grief for the intimacy that once was. For who you were when you tolerated more. For the imagined future that no longer fits.

And yet—there’s also the possibility of something beautiful: relationships that rise with you.

If the other person is willing, the new dynamic can spark honest conversation, mutual growth, and deeper intimacy.

You may discover:

The friend who says, “Thank you for telling me. I am sorry and want to learn more.”

The partner who learns to pause and listen before reacting.

The child who begins to respect your time and energy.

The boss who displays a different aura of respect…for you.

Even others you know who become newly attracted to you — your integrity and self-respect.

These relationships are not lost—they’re reborn.

Stay curious. Stay grounded. Stay honest. Your radiance will either repel or awaken. Trust that both outcomes serve your becoming.

Curating a Toleration-Free Mode of Living

Creating a life with fewer tolerations is not a one-time act—it’s a sacred practice.

It asks:

Are my relationships reciprocal?

Can I catch a Toleration before it happens?  Can I speak my Truth in that moment?

Does my environment reflect my peace?

Do my habits and routines nourish or deplete me?

Which relationships lift my energy? 

Which relationships shut me down?

Keep asking. Keep listening. Keep adjusting.

A toleration-free life style is not sterile—it’s soulful and attracting. You will draw people, projects, spaces, and rituals that support your aliveness.

You deserve to live where your joy feels safe. Where your boundaries are honored. Where your light does not need to dim to belong.

This is your sovereignty in motion. This is your stillness and your shine.

1. Expect discomfort. Growth rarely feels graceful in real time. You are allowed to feel grief, doubt, and sadness even when you know this change is necessary.

2. Stay with your truth. You don’t have to justify your need for respect. You don’t need permission to honor your limits.

3. Don’t rush to fix it. Let people process. Let time reveal who can meet you in this new light.

4. Clarify your intention. If it feels right, you can say: “I’m not doing this to punish or withdraw. I’m doing it to be more whole.”

5. Be willing to release what no longer resonates. Some relationships were sustained only by your silence, overgiving, or self-erasure. Their loss is not your failure. It is your liberation.

Practices & Rituals 

Morning Practice: Grounding in Your Light

Before the day begins, place your hand over your heart. Take three slow breaths. 

Whisper:

I am allowed to protect my peace. 

I voice what I really feel.I release what no longer aligns.I open myself to the light within me.

Carry this energy into your first conversation, your first boundary, your first yes or no.

Ritual for Release

Write the name of a relationship or dynamic that no longer feels reciprocal or kind. Fold the paper. Hold it. Say:

“I release the version of me who thought I had to earn love by disappearing myself.”

Burn or bury the paper, as a symbol of sacred closure.

Weekly Practice: Toleration Check-In

Each Friday, ask:

What or Who did I tolerate this week that drained me?

Where did I speak my truth?

What will I do differently next time?

Create a column for "What I’m Releasing" and "What I’m Reinforcing" and keep it in your journal.

Affirmations for Part Three

I do not have to stay small or quiet to stay loved.

My honesty is a gift, even if not everyone can receive it.

I am no longer available for one-sided inflicted weights on my soul.

I walk forward with grace, clarity, and my Light intact.

Blessing + Invocation for the Women Who Are Done Tolerating

Blessing

May the weight you’ve carried now become wisdom.
May every time you stayed silent become a hymn of rising.
May the version of you who tolerated too much be wrapped in gentleness—not shame, but release.
May your “No” be holy.
May your “Yes” be sacred.
And may your light—no longer dimmed—become the torch for your next becoming.

Invocation

I call back my energy.
I retrieve what I gave away.
I end the contracts that no longer honor me.
I no longer tolerate what dims, drains, or distorts.
I am the keeper of my flame now.
And I let it burn with truth, with grace, with power.

Be Luminous, for You Are!

Love, Angelique

See Part One and Part Two.

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I am sharing Part 2 of a 3-part essay over the next few posts from the “Living Out Loud” section of my archives. Covering what you put up with, setting boundaries and reclaiming your Light!

So you’ve named it. You’ve have taken a brave, raw look at the habits, relationships, and roles that drain your Light. Those Tolerations.

Now what?

Now, you begin again—with boundaries. Not walls. Not armor. Boundaries.

Boundaries are the sacred architecture of self-respect.

They are not punishment. They are protection. They are not about keeping people out—they are about keeping your light in.

How to start? Setting new boundaries can feel new and different. “New and different” can mean discomfort, can cause confidence to waver and fear to creep in.

But everything new and different is usually uncomfortable until it’s not. Confidence comes with practice and mastery.

It’s okay to be afraid, because fear is just energy. We can use and redirect it for courage.

Permission to Reset the Contract

You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to change the agreements you made when you didn’t yet know what you know now. Whether spoken or silently assumed, old contracts can be rewritten.

• “I’ll always be the one who drops everything.”

• “I’ll never say no.”

• “I can’t make them uncomfortable.” Not anymore.

What if you gave yourself permission to become the protector of your own peace?

Baby steps sometimes too. Find that toleration where risk feels low or not meaningfully consequential to address.

To practice flexing that muscle of “I don’t think so….not anymore.”

The Rehearsal: Your Visualization Practice

Close your eyes. Picture yourself in a recent situation where your boundary felt wobbly or invisible. Now see yourself again—but rooted.

• Your feet grounded.

• Your spine tall.

• Your breath slow.

• Your energy intact. You hear the same request, demand, or subtle disregard—but you respond differently.

• This time, you speak with clarity: "That doesn’t work for me anymore."

• Or simply: "I need something different now." Let your nervous system feel the calm of that moment.

• Let your cells rehearse the safety of standing in truth.

• This is not confrontation. This is alignment.

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Let Them React.

Boundary backlash is real. Some people will be uncomfortable when you stop overgiving. When you stop saying yes to your own depletion. Let them. Let people have their reactions without letting it alter your decisions. You don’t need everyone to understand you—you need to understand yourself.

Repeat after me: “Their discomfort is not my danger.”

When “No” is Met with Pushback

Even a graceful boundary can trigger resistance. Some people won’t applaud your clarity. They might:

(1) Bully – Use dominance, guilt, or intimidation to overpower your “no.”

(2) Question – Ask, “Why not?” to challenge your right to your needs.

(3) Argue – Try to pull you into a debate to wear down your resolve.

(4) Use Precedent – Remind you how you “always” say yes or allow it

This is where the boundary work gets sacred—when you must hold steady not only in what you say, but in how you stay anchored

How to Respond with Sovereignty and Strength:

To the Bully: Hold your ground. Speak firmly, calmly.

“That’s not acceptable.”

“This isn’t open for negotiation.”

Remember: Their intimidation is a tactic. Your boundary is a truth.

To the Questioner:You don’t owe an explanation to be valid. But if you want to respond, keep it simple and clear.

“It just doesn’t work for me.”

“I don’t need to explain this to feel right about it.”

Clarity is more powerful than justification.

To the Arguer:

Refuse the invitation to defend or debate. Disengage the energy loop.

“I’ve said what I need to say.”

“This conversation isn’t helping me feel respected, so I’m stepping away.”

Walking away is sometimes the most powerful punctuation mark.

To the Historian: It’s time to note that a new day is here…at last.

“That was then, this is now”

“I’m now the kind of person who isn’t that person.”

“Isn’t that interesting how things can change. Just like that?”

A Final Note on Power and Permission

Remember: You are not responsible for someone else's discomfort with your boundary. You are responsible for staying aligned with your peace, your light, and your truth.

Your sovereignty is not selfish. It is sacred.

Create New Norms

This is where freedom begins.

With new language:

• “I’m not available for that.”

• “I need time to consider.”

• “I’m not comfortable continuing this conversation.”

And with new practices:

• Ending calls when your energy drops.

• Taking space without guilt.

• Saying no without explanation.

Your power lives in how you show up for yourself.

Affirmations to Anchor Your Boundaries

• I honor the light within me by protecting it with love.

• I am allowed to say no without guilt or explanation.

• My boundaries are acts of self-respect, not rejection.

• I no longer sacrifice my peace to keep the peace.

• I release the fear of being misunderstood.

• I trust the strength of my “no” as much as the truth of my “yes.”

• I am not here to be agreeable—I am here to be whole.

• I remain calm, clear, and rooted in my worth.

Call to Action

Choose one situation this week where you typically fold, fawn, or over-function. Rehearse your truth. Speak from clarity. Breathe. Pause. Let your words rise from your worth.

You are Not here to be small.

You are here to Shine.

Protect that light like your life depends on it—because, in many ways, it does.

Walking in Light with You,

Angelique

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I am sharing Part 1 of a 3-part essay over the next few posts from the “Living Out Loud” section of my archives. Covering what you put up with, setting boundaries and reclaiming your Light!

There are the big betrayals—the dramatic, unforgettable ones. And then there are the quieter surrenders. The daily soul-leaks. The eye-rolls we absorb. The silences we accept. The tolerations we dismiss.

A Toleration is anything you’re putting up with that drains your energy, diminishes your dignity, or dims your light.

They don’t always shout. Often, they whisper. But over time, their weight becomes unbearable.

My Own Confession

I used to tolerate one-sided friendships—the kind where I listen endlessly while the other person unpacks their life, without ever asking about mine.

I rationalized it. I told myself I was “being a good friend.” That they needed the space, that I was strong enough to hold it.

But what I was really doing was burying my own need to be seen. To be heard. To be known.

That wasn’t the only place it showed up.

I was always rushing in to be the savior. If something was needed, I was there. If someone was struggling, I’d rearrange my life to help.

I was addicted to being needed. It was the role I had played since childhood. Being useful made me feel worthy. Being indispensable made me feel safe.

Until I finally got a grip and saw what it was costing me.

I realized I had built an identity around rescue and reliability—and left little room for rest, reciprocity, or receiving.

Now? I’m more self-aware. I’ve learned to pause. 

I’ve released those friendships that see me only as a container into which to pour their woes.

I now seek to respect the autonomy and personal responsibility of the other to figure it out, handle their own business.

If they don’t or won’t, then they must learn and grow.

I don’t need to prove my goodness by sacrificing my inner peace.

What Might You Be Tolerating?

You may not even call it a toleration—yet. But your body knows. Your soul knows. Your energy knows.

• A spouse who has emotionally checked out

• Lobbed passive-aggressive or gas-lighting remarks parading as the truth

• Children who refuse to grow up

• Parents who still infantilize adult children

• Audacious in-laws who overstep with impunity

• The chronic interrupter, always taking space but never offering it

• The promotion that never materializes despite exceeding expectations

• Being talked over, mansplained, micromanaged

• Debts that are never acknowledged or repaid

• The friend who disappears until they need something

• Being taken for granted because “you” always handle it

• Downplaying pain so as not to cause discomfort

These are not small things. These are slow soul deaths.

Why We Tolerate

We don’t do it because we’re weak. We do it because we’re wired to preserve love, stability, and safety.

We do it because we watched the women before us—our mothers, aunties, grandmothers—swallow disappointment and anger with grace. We were taught: Be strong. Be kind. Don’t make waves. Be the one they can count on.

So we tolerate. Until one day—we can’t anymore.

What Toleration Does to the Soul

Every time we accept what hurts, misuses, or misrepresents us:

- A little light leaves our eyes

- A little hope leaves our spirit

- A little resentment brews in silence

Sometimes it looks like exhaustion. Sometimes it becomes rage. Sometimes it turns inward—as self-loathing, resignation, or depression.

We wake up and say: “Why do I feel so heavy?” “Where did my joy go?”

This Isn’t About Blame. It’s About Truth.

This is not a call to judgment—it’s a call to awareness.

You do not have to fix everything today. But you do need to see it.

Because you cannot reclaim your light while quietly letting it be drained.

What to do?

Examine. Uncover. Review. Admit. Own up.

Commit to Change.

Soul Reflection Prompts:

- What have I been tolerating that my wiser self already knows must change?

- What do I fear would happen if I stopped tolerating this?

- What is it costing me—emotionally, energetically, spiritually—to keep tolerating it?

- Who taught me to tolerate? And do I still want to carry that teaching?

- Where in my body do I feel the ache of unspoken truths?

Pause. Feel. Write. You don’t have to fix it all—just name it. Naming is a powerful beginning.

Then, Thank Yourself. The Work has Begun.

Coming: Daily Notes Prompts

Parts Two (Reset Boundaries) and Three (Living the New Boundaries)

- What healthy, soul-honoring boundaries look and feel like

- How to identify the root fear behind your tolerations

- Rituals, scripts, and new behaviors to help you reset

- The path to living unapologetically whole

Share this post if someone you love would appreciate this…

With Hugs for your Soul,

Angelique

Today’s post is from the “Living Out Loud” section of my archives that I want to share again. The timing feels right!

There’s something quietly sacred about spring—the promise of rebirth, the stirring of a new kind of light. It invites us to loosen the grip of winter’s self-doubt, and stretch open toward becoming. And yet, many of us remain paused at the threshold, tethered by an old illusion: perfectionism.

We wait to begin. We wait to speak. We wait to be ready.

“If it can’t be perfect, I just won’t do it… It won’t be good enough. I’ll embarrass myself.”

Perfectionism is not prudence. It’s not care. It’s not excellence. It’s a trickster—one that poses as virtue while draining your light.

It says: raise the bar so high you can’t start. Measure yourself by someone else’s timeline. Don’t move until it’s flawless. Don’t risk being seen while unfinished.

But what is the cost of this performance? What dreams are delayed? What joy is diminished when we bind ourselves to an unattainable standard?

How Perfectionism Sneaks In

It shows up quietly, under layers of “I should.”

• We over-edit, afraid to sound foolish.

• We abandon the canvas, telling ourselves we’re not real artists.

• We delay launching the idea, fearing it’s not enough.

• We rework and revise our words, silencing the very essence that made them beautiful.

And even when we’re still, it whispers: "You’re behind. You’re too much. You’re not enough."

The perfectionist voice is not truth. It is fear wrapped in self-judgment. And it keeps us from the sacred act of showing up as we are.

What Is the Cost?

Every time we defer our expression until we feel flawless, we delay our becoming. We silence our intuitive voice. We miss moments of connection that only happen when we are real.

We drain our creative life force trying to earn a gold star that was never needed.

“I do not hustle to prove. I do not perform to survive.” “I root myself in self-trust. I rise in sovereignty.” Still I Shine Manifesto

These aren’t just poetic lines from the Still I Shine Manifesto. This is your permission slip—to be who we already are, and trust that it is enough.

What If Perfection Is Just… Being Fully You?

You are not the sum of your polish. You are the vessel of a sacred spark.

Your creativity—your art, your work, your way of showing up—is not meant to impress. It’s meant to express the divine through the filter of your uniqueness.

“You are a work of sacred self-renewal.”

The truth is: You are not the source. You are the channel. The ideas, insights, and offerings that want to come through you will not wait for your perfection. They are asking only for your willingness.

The more honest you are, the more magnetic.The more vulnerable, the more powerful.The more real, the more radiant.

A Practice for Reclaiming Your Light

This Easter, try this gentle ritual to soften the perfectionist grip:

1. Light a candle. Let it represent your truest self—alive, flickering, unrepeatable.

2. Write down one area where perfectionism has held you back. Fold the paper and bless it with forgiveness.

3. Speak aloud:"I am not here to be perfect. I am here to be real."

4. Open your journal and ask:What wants to come through me now, just as I am?

Let your Light Within answer.

Final Words for the Radiant One Reading This:

You are not late. You are not broken. You are not unready.

You are perfectly placed to begin.

So let yourself create. Let yourself be seen. Let yourself unfold—not flawlessly, but freely.

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open….” Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham” by Agnes de Mille.

Today, do not rise for others. Rise for you. Because you already are what you seek to perfect.

Still I Shine. Even now. Especially now.

With love and a spark of your own Mojo,

Angelique

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The Modern Woman’s Dilemma

I just learned that a very dear friend, living her life as a solo adventurer on her own valiant terms — through each of the divine archetypes - crone, mother, warrior, athlete and artist—was digitally attacked. Her phone number, email, and accounts were stolen.

An attempted theft of her identity.

The identity that counts in this plugged-in world of ours.

The rumble that ran through my body was jolting. First came the fury—sharp, righteous, ancient. Then came the fear. The panic. That awful feeling of exposure, of vulnerability, like standing on a cliff with no railing. It felt like the collective cries of the Feminine over millennia were rushing through my veins, not just as rage, but as a tidal wave of remembered helplessness.

I felt it all. The overwhelm. The knot in my belly. The dread in my throat.

Everyday — a digital battle from phishing, mysterious texts that just say “hello” and a rising number of blocked calls which knock on my cyber door. Just the normal cycle of closing the shutters from the tornadoes of thievery.

Yes, this can happen to anyone. But my body knew something more. Something cracked me open this particular day. It wasn’t just about stolen credentials—the metaphoric rise within me was unmistakably about the solo woman.

The one who lives with no backup, who is the backup.

The one who holds down the fort and holds in her tears. Who must protect herself because no one else does.

So with deep empathy for my friend, and a knot in my belly, I lit a candle. I brewed a pot of coffee. I let the ache rise with the sun, and turned inward. I came to my sanctuary. To journaling with my soul. My whispering guide.

She told me: Begin here. Breathe. Light the candle. And listen. And learn.

The question was not “how do I prevent myself from being victimized?”

The inner command was: “Regain your natural sovereignty and raise your energetic sword and shield.”

So I rose. Not in panic this time, but in presence.

Yes, I spent the next few days fortifying my digital life in a totally customized way, forging my own path of security, bathed in my own sacred energy.

Not as a frightened woman locking her doors, but as a sovereign one invoking her shield.

I didn’t cower. I cast.

Passwords, systems, authentications—yes. But also: Mantras. Affirmations. A summoning of the deeper truth that no predator could reach the real me. That what needed guarding most was not my information, but my own energy.

The Call for Sovereignty

There are days…

When your dog is the only living being who witnesses you.

When the house feels too big for your energy, too small for your longing.

When the world feels full of watchers and takers, and you wonder:

Who protects the one who protects herself?

This is not a lament. This is a power retrieval. A remembrance.

There’s a particular flavor of exhaustion that arises when you are the planner, the provider, the protector—and the soul who aches to be held.

You can have resources, systems, even spiritual tools—and still feel raw in the face of unseen forces: digital predators, energy drainers, eerie solitude.

But here’s what’s also true:

You can become your own citadel.

Not a fortress of isolation, but a current of unwavering self-regard. You can rise not in reaction, but in radiant defiance. The kind that whispers, “Not here. Not me. Not anymore.”

Because the Divine Feminine doesn’t disappear in these moments. She shape-shifts. She becomes the sentinel.

Not the softened goddess—but the Sovereign.

The one who walks her home perimeter barefoot, fully awake. Who lights candles with intention and knows her own gaze in the mirror is the most sacred protection she can summon.

The one who is both sanctuary and spell.

The one who no longer asks to be kept safe—because she’s already called in her power.

She is no longer waiting.

She reigns.

The Wound Beneath the Vigilance

Let’s be honest. When you hear of another woman being violated—digitally, emotionally, energetically—it hits somewhere deep. It’s not just a thought. It’s a tremor.

You start scanning your own life. Double-checking locks. Reading messages twice. Wondering what you might have missed.

It’s not paranoia. It’s pattern recognition. Ancient. Cellular.

It’s the part of you that remembers what it means to be caught off guard. To be overwhelmed, or not believed. To be strong for too long.

And here’s the quiet ache: sometimes protecting yourself becomes a second full-time job. You scan. You monitor. You vet. You defend. You keep your light on—and your heart on hold.

And somewhere inside, another part of you whispers: “But who protects me?”

It’s not about being helpless. It’s about being human.

Sometimes you want to be held. To be seen without suspicion. To have someone look you in the eyes and say, "Rest. I’ve got this."

But when no one comes, when no one else steps in—this is where Sovereignty begins.

It’s the moment you stop looking outward and start invoking inward.

It’s the flicker of rebellion that says: I will not abandon myself. I AM the strong one.

It’s the clarity that rises when you stop bracing and start breathing.

And from there, the shift begins. A small but undeniable current of calm. Of grounded knowing. A remembrance that the safest place in the world—is the center of your own being.

And from that center? You begin to build. Not armor. But radiant presence.

Because you are not just surviving this world. You are shaping your field.

You are the wand. The spell. The sacred perimeter.

You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

How Do You Build the Strength to Be Sovereign?

Here’s the part we sometimes forget: Sovereignty isn’t a one-time lightning strike.

It’s a daily choice. A practice. A way of being that gets built from the inside out.

It doesn’t mean you never wobble. It doesn’t mean you don’t need support. But it does mean that you begin to center yourself in your own regard.

You build the strength to be sovereign by showing up for yourself—especially when no one else does.

You feed yourself like you matter. Because you do.

You speak to yourself like someone who is worth protecting. Because you are.

You rest without apology. You move your body with natural flow. Because it’s sacred.

You make beauty not to prove anything, but because it’s your birthright.

And you don’t do any of this perfectly. You do it with devotion.

Because every time you light that candle, or say that affirmation, or take that sacred pause before responding—you are training your system to remember: I belong to me.

This isn’t about pretending you don’t want connection. It’s about no longer betraying yourself to get it.

You begin to glow with a different current. Not desperation. Not defense. But presence. Assurance. Quiet magnetism.

And this radiance? It calls in what you need.

Not because you chased it—but because you became the kind of field it recognizes.

You nurture yourself not as a performance—but as a promise.

“Your light isn’t soft because you’re weak. It’s soft because you are certain.”

Rituals + Power Practices

 The Pulse Practice

Stand tall. Feel your breath return to its rhythm. Let your shoulders drop. Place one hand over your belly, one hand over your heart.

Say aloud:

My strength is not in who holds me—It’s in how I hold myself.

I draw in the wisdom I need.

I radiate the presence that protects me.

Breathe deeply into this space. Let your own regard become the protection you longed for.

Your sovereignty is not a wall. It’s a current. A quiet flame. A soft power that says:

“I am whole. I am enough. And all I need begins Within.”

The Personal Power Visualization

Imagine golden light rising from the earth into your soles, into your pelvis, heart, and crown. As the light expands, it forms a radiant, living boundary around you. You are not a fortress—but you are unmistakably sovereign.

Devotional Mirror Practice

Light a candle. Sit before a mirror. Look into your own eyes. Say:

“I see you. I honor you. I protect you.”

Notice what rises. Let tears come if they do.

Soul Affirmations

“My sovereignty begins within.”

“My own self-embrace is more powerful than the offered rope of a rescuer.

“I am the storm AND the shelter.”

I am not waiting for protection—I AM the field of power.”

A Closing Invocation

There are days when you’ll ache for someone to hold you.

Nights when you wish someone else would turn off the lights and tell you everything is okay.

But even then—you show up. You hold your space. You lock your doors with diligence. You light the candle with reverence. You walk through the shadows and reclaim your gold.

This is Sovereignty. Not as an idea. As a practice.

Lived. Rooted. Radiant.

You are not fragile. You are forged.

Still You Shine.

Still You Reign.

Love, Angelique

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A Quiet Visitor at the Door

This week, I noticed that a cloudy mist hovered over me and entered my space. I woke up feeling strangely disconnected, somber.

Feeling as though I was an amnesiac struggling to remember the most important, if not joyful, things.

Challenging my mind to recount the list of people and circumstances to feel grateful for. Instead, receiving a blank canvas – the kind that causes the artist’s pen to fall and her walkaway. Yes, melancholy was here. 

Melancholy doesn’t always announce itself. It drifts in like a cloud on a sunlit afternoon—unexpected, quiet, and inexplicably familiar. You might be moving through your day just fine. Then suddenly, the light shifts.

There’s a subtle weight in the chest. A foggy mist on the edges of your thoughts. You can’t quite name the feeling—but it lingers like a fragrance. It colors everything, without needing permission.

Unlike deep sadness or depression, melancholy has a different texture. It’s not necessarily painful. It doesn’t always root in despair. It arrives more like a visitation than a verdict—something in-between longing and reflection, nostalgia and silence. It sits in the bittersweet. 

Its entry instills a deep trust that it will pass, but triggers worry about how long. 

You cannot track its source. Find the thing that triggered it. Or the overwhelm that attracted it in.

And then, just as softly, it leaves. Not with a grand exit. But like steam fading from a mirror. You notice one day that you no longer notice it. 

The Emotional Compost That Nourishes New Clarity

Melancholy is not the absence of joy. It is the soul’s quiet call inward.

Melancholy, when honored, becomes a kind of compost for the soul. It slows us down. Turns us inward. Softens the layers we usually keep firm and fastened.

And in that softening, we begin to decompose old thoughts, forgotten memories, half-formed questions. It all gets stirred together beneath the surface, unseen but alive.

There may be nothing to "do" when melancholy arrives. Except to let it do its quiet work.

Over time, something new begins to grow from that fertile stillness. A clearer insight. A needed boundary. A longing reawakened. A creative spark you almost forgot.

Melancholy invites the fallow season—where nothing blooms, yet everything is becoming.

This is not wasted time. It is womb space. Root space. The sacred pause before emergence.

Memory and Estrangement as Soul Initiations

Sometimes, when melancholy settles in, it brings with it old ghosts.

Suddenly, you remember something from childhood—a conversation, a silence, a glance that never fully made sense. Or perhaps a current relationship begins to feel tender, distant, or dissonant, as if stirred by invisible winds.

These emotional storms aren't regressions. They are initiations.

Something in your soul is asking to be revisited—not to relive the pain, but to retrieve the wisdom.

Estrangement, whether from others or parts of ourselves, often arises in these moments of inner weather. Not as punishment, but as a reconfiguration. A necessary reorientation.

You are not breaking down. You are being rearranged for deeper truth.

What returns in the storm is not here to haunt—it is here to be healed.

These moments aren’t signs of failure or fragility. They are thresholds. Soul gates. Invitations to step further into wholeness.

How to Sit with the Ache Without Becoming It

To feel deeply is not a flaw. It is a form of listening.

But when the ache lingers, we can forget we are the one holding it—not the ache itself.

We begin to believe the heaviness is who we are. We identify with the mood, the memory, the longing.

But you are not the ache. You are the space in which the ache is felt. You are the ground that holds the rain. You are the sanctuary that shelters the storm.

This is the art of holy witnessing. To allow the emotion to arise. To name it. To feel it. But not to become it.

Here is a gentle way to begin:

• Say aloud: “I feel ________, and I am still whole.”

• Place your hand on your chest.

• Breathe into the feeling, not away from it.

• Stay long enough to soften the edge, but not so long you dissolve into it.

You are not the sadness. You are the witness of its waves.

And when the ache recedes—because it always does—thank it. Not for the pain, but for the opening.

Rituals and Practices to Honor the Pause and Open to Emergence

The pause is not a problem to solve—it is a portal.

Rather than rushing to "feel better," we can soften into practices that honor where we are. These rituals are not fixes. They are invitations. They help the soul know it is safe to emerge in its own time.

Evening Candle Ritual

• Light a single candle in a quiet space.

• Sit in stillness for 5 minutes, breathing gently.

• Whisper aloud: “What in me is softening? What is quietly becoming?”

• Let the silence answer.

The Soul Jar

• Keep a small jar on your altar or bedside.

• Each time you feel melancholy, write down a word or phrase that captures its essence.

• Place the note inside.

• Over time, your jar becomes a sacred record of your soul’s weather—evidence that you endured, that you grew.

Walk the Spiral

• Take a slow, spiraling walk—indoors or outside.

• With each turn, imagine releasing what no longer serves.

• When you reach the center, place your hand on your heart. Say: “I am still here. I am still whole.”

• Then slowly unwind your path, feeling your emergence.

Affirmations for Emergence

I am not lost — I am gathering.I trust the intelligence of my inner weather. I do not rush the return of joy. I honor the quiet alchemy within me.

These aren’t moments to “get through.” They are sacred spaces of transmutation.

Let your life hold room for both the sunlight and the storm light.

A Gentle Call to Presence

If you are in the middle of something heavy—if your joy feels delayed, your purpose blurred, your heart tender—pause.

Place your hands in your lap or over your heart. Feel your breath. Listen inward.

Let yourself be here, as you are.

You do not need to be better. You do not need to be cheerful. You do not need to turn this ache into something useful.

You simply need to remain—whole, witnessing, human.

This is the way the light returns. Not in fanfare. But in presence.

Still, you shine. Even here.

Enjoying your Shine,

Basking in your Light,

Angelique

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You’ve named the pain you are tolerating. 

You’ve said “No” to the Toleration. 

You’ve shared your essential Truth with another…about who you are, how you feel. 

You’ve received the blow-back, the questions, the challenges and/or the new opportunities

Now what?

Now, you learn to walk in your Truth. To build the zone of Authenticity and Grace into which to invite others.  

This part of the journey is about integration. 

It’s about becoming the woman who no longer bends herself to fit old expectations.

It’s about embodying the new agreements you’ve made with yourself.

It’s about facing what happens when the world—the people you love—responds to your change

The Post-Boundary Glow... and the Shadow

After you’ve said the hard no. After you’ve honored your inner knowing. After you’ve stood in your truth.

There is a hush. A space. A new lightness.

But also—sometimes—a ripple.

Some relationships feel strained. Others feel wounded. Some vanish without warning. And others react with guilt, anger, or distance.

This is one of the hardest and most tender parts of reclaiming your light:

Not Everyone will Rise with You.

What Happens to Relationships When You Stop Tolerating

When you begin to honor your boundaries, the people around you may not know how to respond. You are no longer playing your old role. You are shifting the unspoken contract.

And that shift can feel like betrayal—to them.

They may say:

“I would never say “no” to you.”

“You don’t love me the way I love you.”

“I don’t know you anymore.”

“You’ve changed.”

“I guess I can’t talk to you anymore.”

“Why are you making everything about you?”

Or they may go silent. Withdraw. Push back.

This is not a sign that you are wrong. It’s a sign that something in the dynamic has been exposed.

When you stop tolerating what once kept the peace, you invite real truth into the space. And real truth sometimes burns before it heals.

How to Navigate the Shift

Your self-evolution may outgrow a relationship—and that doesn't mean you're failing at connection. It means you're becoming.

You are no longer performing roles that erase your soul. You are no longer shrinking so others can stay comfortable.

Some relationships may dissolve. Some may transform. And some may surprise you.

Give affected people time, or a time-out to process if there is continued dissonance. Your dialog should come from a place of non-judgment and revelation of your own truth and feeling. Your listening to them will be open, receptive and wholly present and appreciative. Provide reassurance that resilience is available.

There may be grief to feel, acknowledge, and move through. Grief for the intimacy that once was. For who you were when you tolerated more. For the imagined future that no longer fits.

And yet—there’s also the possibility of something beautiful: relationships that rise with you.

If the other person is willing, the new dynamic can spark honest conversation, mutual growth, and deeper intimacy.

You may discover:

The friend who says, “Thank you for telling me. I am sorry and want to learn more.”

The partner who learns to pause and listen before reacting.

The child who begins to respect your time and energy.

The boss who displays a different aura of respect…for you.

Even others you know who become newly attracted to you — your integrity and self-respect.

These relationships are not lost—they’re reborn.

Stay curious. Stay grounded. Stay honest. Your radiance will either repel or awaken. Trust that both outcomes serve your becoming.

Curating a Toleration-Free Mode of Living

Creating a life with fewer tolerations is not a one-time act—it’s a sacred practice.

It asks:

Are my relationships reciprocal?

Can I catch a Toleration before it happens?  Can I speak my Truth in that moment?

Does my environment reflect my peace?

Do my habits and routines nourish or deplete me?

Which relationships lift my energy? 

Which relationships shut me down?

Keep asking. Keep listening. Keep adjusting.

A toleration-free life style is not sterile—it’s soulful and attracting. You will draw people, projects, spaces, and rituals that support your aliveness.

You deserve to live where your joy feels safe. Where your boundaries are honored. Where your light does not need to dim to belong.

This is your sovereignty in motion. This is your stillness and your shine.

1. Expect discomfort. Growth rarely feels graceful in real time. You are allowed to feel grief, doubt, and sadness even when you know this change is necessary.

2. Stay with your truth. You don’t have to justify your need for respect. You don’t need permission to honor your limits.

3. Don’t rush to fix it. Let people process. Let time reveal who can meet you in this new light.

4. Clarify your intention. If it feels right, you can say: “I’m not doing this to punish or withdraw. I’m doing it to be more whole.”

5. Be willing to release what no longer resonates. Some relationships were sustained only by your silence, overgiving, or self-erasure. Their loss is not your failure. It is your liberation.

Practices & Rituals 

Morning Practice: Grounding in Your Light

Before the day begins, place your hand over your heart. Take three slow breaths. 

Whisper:

I am allowed to protect my peace. 

I voice what I really feel.I release what no longer aligns.I open myself to the light within me.

Carry this energy into your first conversation, your first boundary, your first yes or no.

Ritual for Release

Write the name of a relationship or dynamic that no longer feels reciprocal or kind. Fold the paper. Hold it. Say:

“I release the version of me who thought I had to earn love by disappearing myself.”

Burn or bury the paper, as a symbol of sacred closure.

Weekly Practice: Toleration Check-In

Each Friday, ask:

What or Who did I tolerate this week that drained me?

Where did I speak my truth?

What will I do differently next time?

Create a column for "What I’m Releasing" and "What I’m Reinforcing" and keep it in your journal.

Affirmations for Part Three

I do not have to stay small or quiet to stay loved.

My honesty is a gift, even if not everyone can receive it.

I am no longer available for one-sided inflicted weights on my soul.

I walk forward with grace, clarity, and my Light intact.

Blessing + Invocation for the Women Who Are Done Tolerating

Blessing

May the weight you’ve carried now become wisdom.
May every time you stayed silent become a hymn of rising.
May the version of you who tolerated too much be wrapped in gentleness—not shame, but release.
May your “No” be holy.
May your “Yes” be sacred.
And may your light—no longer dimmed—become the torch for your next becoming.

Invocation

I call back my energy.
I retrieve what I gave away.
I end the contracts that no longer honor me.
I no longer tolerate what dims, drains, or distorts.
I am the keeper of my flame now.
And I let it burn with truth, with grace, with power.

Be Luminous, for You Are!

Love, Angelique

See Part One and Part Two.

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So you’ve named it. You’ve have taken a brave, raw look at the habits, relationships, and roles that drain your Light. Those Tolerations.

Now what?

Now, you begin again—with boundaries. Not walls. Not armor. Boundaries.

Boundaries are the sacred architecture of self-respect.

They are not punishment. They are protection. They are not about keeping people out—they are about keeping your light in.

How to start? Setting new boundaries can feel new and different. “New and different” can mean discomfort, can cause confidence to waver and fear to creep in.

But everything new and different is usually uncomfortable until it’s not. Confidence comes with practice and mastery.

It’s okay to be afraid, because fear is just energy. We can use and redirect it for courage.

Permission to Reset the Contract

You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to change the agreements you made when you didn’t yet know what you know now. Whether spoken or silently assumed, old contracts can be rewritten.

• “I’ll always be the one who drops everything.”

• “I’ll never say no.”

• “I can’t make them uncomfortable.” Not anymore.

What if you gave yourself permission to become the protector of your own peace?

Baby steps sometimes too. Find that toleration where risk feels low or not meaningfully consequential to address.

To practice flexing that muscle of “I don’t think so….not anymore.”

The Rehearsal: Your Visualization Practice

Close your eyes. Picture yourself in a recent situation where your boundary felt wobbly or invisible. Now see yourself again—but rooted.

• Your feet grounded.

• Your spine tall.

• Your breath slow.

• Your energy intact. You hear the same request, demand, or subtle disregard—but you respond differently.

• This time, you speak with clarity: "That doesn’t work for me anymore."

• Or simply: "I need something different now." Let your nervous system feel the calm of that moment.

• Let your cells rehearse the safety of standing in truth.

• This is not confrontation. This is alignment.

Let Them React.

Boundary backlash is real. Some people will be uncomfortable when you stop overgiving. When you stop saying yes to your own depletion. Let them. Let people have their reactions without letting it alter your decisions. You don’t need everyone to understand you—you need to understand yourself.

Repeat after me: “Their discomfort is not my danger.”

When “No” is Met with Pushback

Even a graceful boundary can trigger resistance. Some people won’t applaud your clarity. They might:

(1) Bully – Use dominance, guilt, or intimidation to overpower your “no.”

(2) Question – Ask, “Why not?” to challenge your right to your needs.

(3) Argue – Try to pull you into a debate to wear down your resolve.

(4) Use Precedent – Remind you how you “always” say yes or allow it

This is where the boundary work gets sacred—when you must hold steady not only in what you say, but in how you stay anchored

How to Respond with Sovereignty and Strength:

To the Bully: Hold your ground. Speak firmly, calmly.

“That’s not acceptable.”

“This isn’t open for negotiation.”

Remember: Their intimidation is a tactic. Your boundary is a truth.

To the Questioner:You don’t owe an explanation to be valid. But if you want to respond, keep it simple and clear.

“It just doesn’t work for me.”

“I don’t need to explain this to feel right about it.”

Clarity is more powerful than justification.

To the Arguer:

Refuse the invitation to defend or debate. Disengage the energy loop.

“I’ve said what I need to say.”

“This conversation isn’t helping me feel respected, so I’m stepping away.”

Walking away is sometimes the most powerful punctuation mark.

To the Historian: It’s time to note that a new day is here…at last.

“That was then, this is now”

“I’m now the kind of person who isn’t that person.”

“Isn’t that interesting how things can change. Just like that?”

A Final Note on Power and Permission

Remember: You are not responsible for someone else's discomfort with your boundary. You are responsible for staying aligned with your peace, your light, and your truth.

Your sovereignty is not selfish. It is sacred.

Create New Norms

This is where freedom begins.

With new language:

• “I’m not available for that.”

• “I need time to consider.”

• “I’m not comfortable continuing this conversation.”

And with new practices:

• Ending calls when your energy drops.

• Taking space without guilt.

• Saying no without explanation.

Your power lives in how you show up for yourself.

Affirmations to Anchor Your Boundaries

• I honor the light within me by protecting it with love.

• I am allowed to say no without guilt or explanation.

• My boundaries are acts of self-respect, not rejection.

• I no longer sacrifice my peace to keep the peace.

• I release the fear of being misunderstood.

• I trust the strength of my “no” as much as the truth of my “yes.”

• I am not here to be agreeable—I am here to be whole.

• I remain calm, clear, and rooted in my worth.

Call to Action

Choose one situation this week where you typically fold, fawn, or over-function. Rehearse your truth. Speak from clarity. Breathe. Pause. Let your words rise from your worth.

You are Not here to be small.

You are here to Shine.

Protect that light like your life depends on it—because, in many ways, it does.

There are the big betrayals—the dramatic, unforgettable ones. And then there are the quieter surrenders. The daily soul-leaks. The eye-rolls we absorb. The silences we accept. The tolerations we dismiss.

A Toleration is anything you’re putting up with that drains your energy, diminishes your dignity, or dims your light.

They don’t always shout. Often, they whisper. But over time, their weight becomes unbearable.

My Own Confession

I used to tolerate one-sided friendships—the kind where I listen endlessly while the other person unpacks their life, without ever asking about mine.

I rationalized it. I told myself I was “being a good friend.” That they needed the space, that I was strong enough to hold it.

But what I was really doing was burying my own need to be seen. To be heard. To be known.

That wasn’t the only place it showed up.

I was always rushing in to be the savior. If something was needed, I was there. If someone was struggling, I’d rearrange my life to help.

I was addicted to being needed. It was the role I had played since childhood. Being useful made me feel worthy. Being indispensable made me feel safe.

Until I finally got a grip and saw what it was costing me.

I realized I had built an identity around rescue and reliability—and left little room for rest, reciprocity, or receiving.

Now? I’m more self-aware. I’ve learned to pause. 

I’ve released those friendships that see me only as a container into which to pour their woes.

I now seek to respect the autonomy and personal responsibility of the other to figure it out, handle their own business.

If they don’t or won’t, then they must learn and grow.

I don’t need to prove my goodness by sacrificing my inner peace.

What Might You Be Tolerating?

You may not even call it a toleration—yet. But your body knows. Your soul knows. Your energy knows.

• A spouse who has emotionally checked out

• Lobbed passive-aggressive or gas-lighting remarks parading as the truth

• Children who refuse to grow up

• Parents who still infantilize adult children

• Audacious in-laws who overstep with impunity

• The chronic interrupter, always taking space but never offering it

• The promotion that never materializes despite exceeding expectations

• Being talked over, mansplained, micromanaged

• Debts that are never acknowledged or repaid

• The friend who disappears until they need something

• Being taken for granted because “you” always handle it

• Downplaying pain so as not to cause discomfort

These are not small things. These are slow soul deaths.

Why We Tolerate

We don’t do it because we’re weak. We do it because we’re wired to preserve love, stability, and safety.

We do it because we watched the women before us—our mothers, aunties, grandmothers—swallow disappointment and anger with grace. We were taught: Be strong. Be kind. Don’t make waves. Be the one they can count on.

So we tolerate. Until one day—we can’t anymore.

What Toleration Does to the Soul

Every time we accept what hurts, misuses, or misrepresents us:

- A little light leaves our eyes

- A little hope leaves our spirit

- A little resentment brews in silence

Sometimes it looks like exhaustion. Sometimes it becomes rage. Sometimes it turns inward—as self-loathing, resignation, or depression.

We wake up and say: “Why do I feel so heavy?” “Where did my joy go?”

This Isn’t About Blame. It’s About Truth.

This is not a call to judgment—it’s a call to awareness.

You do not have to fix everything today. But you do need to see it.

Because you cannot reclaim your light while quietly letting it be drained.

What to do?

Examine. Uncover. Review. Admit. Own up.

Commit to Change.

Soul Reflection Prompts:

- What have I been tolerating that my wiser self already knows must change?

- What do I fear would happen if I stopped tolerating this?

- What is it costing me—emotionally, energetically, spiritually—to keep tolerating it?

- Who taught me to tolerate? And do I still want to carry that teaching?

- Where in my body do I feel the ache of unspoken truths?

Pause. Feel. Write. You don’t have to fix it all—just name it. Naming is a powerful beginning.

Then, Thank Yourself. The Work has Begun.

Coming: Daily Notes Prompts

Parts Two (Reset Boundaries) and Three (Living the New Boundaries)

- What healthy, soul-honoring boundaries look and feel like

- How to identify the root fear behind your tolerations

- Rituals, scripts, and new behaviors to help you reset

- The path to living unapologetically whole

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With Hugs for your Soul,

Angelique

There’s something quietly sacred about spring—the promise of rebirth, the stirring of a new kind of light. It invites us to loosen the grip of winter’s self-doubt, and stretch open toward becoming. And yet, many of us remain paused at the threshold, tethered by an old illusion: perfectionism.

We wait to begin. We wait to speak. We wait to be ready.

“If it can’t be perfect, I just won’t do it… It won’t be good enough. I’ll embarrass myself.”

Perfectionism is not prudence. It’s not care. It’s not excellence. It’s a trickster—one that poses as virtue while draining your light.

It says: raise the bar so high you can’t start. Measure yourself by someone else’s timeline. Don’t move until it’s flawless. Don’t risk being seen while unfinished.

But what is the cost of this performance? What dreams are delayed? What joy is diminished when we bind ourselves to an unattainable standard?

How Perfectionism Sneaks In

It shows up quietly, under layers of “I should.”

• We over-edit, afraid to sound foolish.

• We abandon the canvas, telling ourselves we’re not real artists.

• We delay launching the idea, fearing it’s not enough.

• We rework and revise our words, silencing the very essence that made them beautiful.

And even when we’re still, it whispers: "You’re behind. You’re too much. You’re not enough."

The perfectionist voice is not truth. It is fear wrapped in self-judgment. And it keeps us from the sacred act of showing up as we are.

What Is the Cost?

Every time we defer our expression until we feel flawless, we delay our becoming. We silence our intuitive voice. We miss moments of connection that only happen when we are real.

We drain our creative life force trying to earn a gold star that was never needed.

“I do not hustle to prove. I do not perform to survive.” “I root myself in self-trust. I rise in sovereignty.” Still I Shine Manifesto

These aren’t just poetic lines from the Still I Shine Manifesto. This is your permission slip—to be who we already are, and trust that it is enough.

What If Perfection Is Just… Being Fully You?

You are not the sum of your polish. You are the vessel of a sacred spark.

Your creativity—your art, your work, your way of showing up—is not meant to impress. It’s meant to express the divine through the filter of your uniqueness.

“You are a work of sacred self-renewal.”

The truth is: You are not the source. You are the channel. The ideas, insights, and offerings that want to come through you will not wait for your perfection. They are asking only for your willingness.

The more honest you are, the more magnetic.The more vulnerable, the more powerful.The more real, the more radiant.

A Practice for Reclaiming Your Light

This Easter, try this gentle ritual to soften the perfectionist grip:

1. Light a candle. Let it represent your truest self—alive, flickering, unrepeatable.

2. Write down one area where perfectionism has held you back. Fold the paper and bless it with forgiveness.

3. Speak aloud:"I am not here to be perfect. I am here to be real."

4. Open your journal and ask:What wants to come through me now, just as I am?

Let your Light Within answer.

Final Words for the Radiant One Reading This:

You are not late. You are not broken. You are not unready.

You are perfectly placed to begin.

So let yourself create. Let yourself be seen. Let yourself unfold—not flawlessly, but freely.

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open….” Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham” by Agnes de Mille.

Today, do not rise for others. Rise for you. Because you already are what you seek to perfect.

Still I Shine. Even now. Especially now.

With love and a spark of your own Mojo,

Angelique

The truth is that as human beings, we usually dismiss or sometimes cannot even locate, the inherent magnificence of our lives. Think about it. You don’t regularly focus on the great stuff — instead, you focus on your fears, mistakes, regrets and decisions that did not turn out as desired. Who takes the time to review and appreciate one’s life with the thoughtfulness with which we read a novel or assess a movie — sorting out the hero/heroine, the plot, the characters, the challenges and the achievements, with themes, meanings, lessons and incentives for the next, new adventure?

Have you ever backed up and really seen your REAL STORY?

Focusing on the thematic “plot-line” of your life reveals important information. It’s the information that becomes hard evidence that you matter, that you can create, and get to the next step of your life, however challenged. For instance, there is always a part of your story that tells what it took to leave an undesired situation and find something else, or take the steps to have something or someone special find you. Elements could include the hard-won educational path you took, the great relationship you co-created, the job you competed for, the lives you’ve changed for the better, or other goals you attained. These story elements also include lots of hurdles, obstacles and difficult people. While elements also include the doubts or criticisms that you have had about yourself may have dominated your thinking, do also remember that those same thoughts were also accompanied by other, more powerful thoughts and actions that also propelled more motivation, effort, learning, strength and resilience.

If your Life often seems difficult or uninspiring, you likely still see and experience yourself through the eyes of a very disillusioned Child Self. After recalling the phase of your innocence (of boundless curiosity, play and laughter), you may carry those first tender impressions of when you learned the “real” parameters of your world, the need to “grow up,” your limitations, and the ache for the loving and accepting attention you may have wanted then. There may have been some very unhappy, even traumatic experiences that feel damaging. What may now predominate your thinking is how to avoid the next big unwanted experience. You may get up everyday expecting to dodge or fight the waiting dragons standing in your way. It can be very hard to step back from it all and develop a new perspective about what your Life is really showing you — and the world around you.

Any story that focuses on how bad things are (or have been) will hold you back.

Being at the effect of whatever happens to you, will disable you from deciding rightly what will happen for you. Any story you tell yourself that depicts you as long-suffering, struggling or generally unhappy will keep you in its grip. However, taking a new look and creating a much enhanced, reshaped story about the actual truth of your life — how you grew, persevered, excelled and created the good stuff of your life, will shine and be propelling.

Remember this…You are a pearl…. It takes a lot of roughage and friction over a significant period of time to create the pearl. The path to “pearl-dom” is your story…the experiences, the learnings, the difficult people, the challenging circumstances, the hurt and pain, and then the triumphs. And we all have them. With every heartache or disappointment, a new learning and insight. New strategies evolve and we count on new opportunities to apply them.

If asked “What is your Story,” what would you say?

How to Build Your Story

Journal to answer or describe the following, and you will have the elements of your narrative story:

–Your Beginnings… Consider your Parents and Caretakers and how they made you feel.

–What were the nature of the Fears, Traumas or Anxieties of your Child-Self? How did they impact your behaviors growing up?

–What are the most impactful things (good and bad) people have told you about yourself and did you believe them? How did you discover your own truth?

–The 3 Biggest Experiences that most Impacted your Life or Your Understanding of Your Life

–The 3 Biggest Decisions you Made

–The 3 Biggest Lessons you Learned or Gifts you Received

–The 3 Top Self-Commitments of your Personal Manifesto

–The Biggest Vision you have for Yourself — No Holds Barred –and without Excuses or Conditions

–Based on that Vision, your envisioned impact on others

Next, begin your story much like a tale, with “Once upon a time, there was a little girl (boy) who……”

–Build the story of your child’s, teen’s and adult’s adventures through life, using your Story elements.

–Say your story out loud to yourself. Record it.

–Feel its interest and power. Imagine a novel or movie about your Life.

–Project it forward with the new Visions you have for your Life — as though it has already happened.

Now, tell Your New Story to the part of You who really needs to hear it.

The next time you want to attract great people into your life, build that resume or prepare for an interview, go ahead and introduce and explain the themes of your life and why they matter. Feel the power of it, and allow it to embrace and lift you up.

Fashioning your narrative is the gift that keeps giving. It fuels your own goals and ambitions, grows self-confidence and self-appreciation and enables you to share yourself and your story with strength and self-awareness. Your created narrative as a powerful, inspiring story will improve your ability to create and nurture personal and professional relationships, and improve your work opportunities or attract clients. It creates the basis for the expression of your own authenticity, and lends expression to your character and your own personal brand — who you are and what you stand for.

Take the time to develop that narrative and see the gold among the leaden pieces of ore — and most of all, see and experience the Pearl you have become!

I am in my late 60’s now and like so many, I can see the end of my life ahead. It is a conscious thought, not one buried or ignored as I did during much earlier decades. The last third of my life is before me (if I am that fortunate) and I find myself exploring the question: Am I filling my cup? Whether I have before now is not up for debate, because I am powerless to change the past. I can only see it as an evolution to NOW. This present moment, and the next and the next.

Despite the crazy madness of the outer reality right now, I do have the right and the freedom to manage my inner reality and all the structures in which it exists. How I see my life and how I live it, remains up to me, despite the possible constraints and pressures in the outside environment.

Choosing to be a lawyer took me away from the path not taken – of becoming a fashion designer. During my childhood and teens, I consumed fashion magazines wherever I could and sketched my ideas and even made my own clothes well into law school. But my lack of confidence in my dream kept me walking a so-called “safer” path. Finding alternate means of expressing creativity has always been challenging, but I’ve never given up my innate desire to express my creativity - even if it involved drafting an airtight business contract which engaged imaginative creative writing skills.

Now, I live each day with some form of creativity because it makes me come alive, including writing and designing these communications for you. Arranging flowers. Decorating. Solving a problem. Coming up with any way of doing something differently. Even journaling is a creative act.

Creativity means doing something “your way" which means it cannot be authored by anyone else. Creativity is owning any expression you care to manifest. Creativity means “turning yourself inside out.” It can be audacious or it can be quiet and even hidden. But it’s all yours.

Filling the Cup with Creativity

Lately I have been fascinated, and even awed, by people who create tremendous creative output and value into the world – with passion and unrelenting passion. So many have had an inner fire or engine that could not help itself create, produce, co-create and share their gifts like an unending spout of fresh water. Some were coaxed and developed and inspired by great role models, teachers and mentors. Some were driven by a deep inner voice that helped them really know there were no limits unless you limit yourself. They can live a long life, and when the final flame is snuffed, they have burned down the candle to the bottom. Others have so much energy, and when misused or misdirected, they snuff out their own flame well before it should, and die early. Remembering Whitney Houston. Others meet tragic endings at their peak. Remembering Bessie Coleman, the first African American professional aviatrix and aerial daredevil whose flight during an aerial show rehearsal prematurely ended her life in 1926. Then, there are those who keep going until they literally drop. Remembering the inimitable Josephine Baker — a grand heroine in her life— movie star, dancer, pilot and French resistance spy, who died at age 68 of a cerebral hemorrhage amidst a pile of laudatory newspaper reviews following her grand, celebrity-studded Paris comeback.

Artists and Creatives also often represent the epitome of this. They usually have an inner fire to push boundaries and endlessly create. There are many well known examples of this, including the recently departed Quincy Jones.

“Q”

I love the story of Quincy Jones because he was the embodiment of a life lived to its fullest - creatively, fearlessly, and with an unrelenting curiosity that made him a force in music and beyond. From jazz trumpeter to groundbreaking producer, composer, arranger, and cultural visionary, “Q” didn’t just follow opportunity—he created it. He shaped the soundtracks of generations, producing Thriller, the best-selling album of all time, crafting timeless film scores, and pioneering new possibilities for Black artists in an industry rife with barriers. Yet, his genius wasn’t just in what he did, but in how he did it—with generosity, collaboration, and an expansive vision that refused to be confined to a single genre, role, or expectation.

Jones’ life was a testament to saying yes to one’s gifts and sharing them without hesitation. He brought jazz to Hollywood, hip-hop to the Grammys, and global sounds to American ears. He nurtured new talent, championed social change, and remained restless in his pursuit of something greater, always ahead of the curve. He reminds us that living large isn’t about one singular moment of brilliance, but a lifetime of showing up, pushing boundaries, and leaving the world richer than you found it. Quincy Jones didn’t just make music—he made history. I read his illuminating (last) book about his musical journey and the lessons of his life (“Twelve Notes, “On Life and Creativity”) and in that book he guides and mentors us on how to fill our cup to the brim. In the chapter entitled “Note A. Recycle Pain into Purpose” he coaches us:

“With the inevitability of hardship in this often broken world, it’s important to understand what fills your voids and also where you are projecting yours. The moment you slip into a victim mentality, not only are you faced with having to deal with external problems, but you’ve also given yourself a whole new set of internal problems that will only stunt your growth as both a human and a creative being. You don’t have to let the anguish that has permeated the pockets of your life take over.”

He also shares:

"Creativity allows us to leave parts of our experiences and our heart with those on the receiving end. And whether it’s now, or long after we’ve left this planet, I believe there’s a reason for it all."

Jack Whitten — Artist Extraordinare

Very recently, I was made aware of an amazing abstract artist – Jack Whitten. I feel embarrassed not to have known about him. He was also African American and grew up in the Jim Crow South. MOMA is now featuring a huge exhibit of his work. I am so awed and dizzy by the beauty, power and imagination of his art over more than six decades of his life. His art also commemorated so many important, poignant moments of our history, including the racist bombing death of four Black girls in a Birmingham, Alabama Baptist church in 1963 and 9-11. Whitten revolutionized abstract painting by making art of the paint itself – making sculpted and shaped pieces of the paint itself. His art evolved as well and now we can see it all in one place. He painted until he died. His studio still stands and still reverberates his audacious ideas.

“9-11-01” Jack Whitten

So, what is my real point?

Be Inspired…..

Despite how mad and crazy this world is, we must remember that we are each here to fully and unabashedly be our unique and beautiful selves – to pour the pure essence of ourselves into the world. Life IS short. Expressing creativity and boldness of self-expression are some elements of it. (I’ll offer more in future essays.) This means that we externalize our inner gifts and talents to beautify, connect and enhance our world around us. That is because we can. That is because we are best suited to offer WHO and WHAT we are. It means that we push back the boundaries and criticisms others lay at our feet, even those with sneers. We are not meant to live in any one else’s shoes but our own. Our candle wicks will eventually burn out…in the meantime, we need to shine!

I’m now committed to a fantastic, art-making program to ignite my soul to show its colors for the next few months.

I’m so excited!

Journal Question: “How will I fill my Creativity Cup today?

Most of our days have us operating in “reaction” mode in response to other people (our families, employers, customers etc.) and our environments (home, work and all else). We take in tons of information we ingest and process, and decide how we learn or feel about it all. We dodge and weave through an obstacle course embedded in our day, trying to get to the self-imposed finish line. We either get there or we don’t. We cheer just to get through the day, much less claim a trophy. We are like marathon runners, just happy to complete the “rat race” of our day. We can get pretty automated and lose sight of the bigger picture, especially how we actively tune our engines and revitalize our energy sources, and keep our higher vision in front of us. At some point, when we do ask ourselves, “what do I really want?” or “Who am I – really? How do I make sense of this crazy world I live in–how do I navigate it? — a black box appears. You start to step into the realm of existential questioning.

Examples of Existential Questions

• How can I be more of “me?” More authentic?

• What does it mean to lead an “authentic” life?

• What’s the meaning of my life?

• What’s my purpose in life?

• Do I have a destiny?

• Is there really a God?

• How do I navigate between my needs and those I love?

• What does this “loss” really mean?

• What’s next for me?

• Is it possible to fail at life?

• What’s my definition of a “good life?”

• How do I navigate the uncertainties of this next phase of my life?

• What am I really running away from? (what responsibility or choice?)

• What keeps me afraid of truly living?

• How do I grapple with the cruelty and absurdity in the world and the despair and helplessness I feel?

• What can I really control in my life?

• What is my most fundamental misconception that holds me back?

• How do I keep from falling into the same holes?

• What am I meant to learn?

• Why am I so indecisive?

• How do I make better choices?

• What is my concept of time?

• Where do I most live in time (the past, the present or the future?) What are the benefits, the downsides?

• How well do I use my time?

• What do I think about death? How does this affect how I live my life?

• What are the “breadcrumbs” and recent synchronized events suggesting?

I had an opportunity to delve into existentialism as part of a life coaching program — which illuminated its material value in coaching. Existentialism generally resides tucked away in an historical box, full of several philosophers (Camu, Sartre, Nietzche, Kirkegaarde, De Beauvoir and others), some of whom were, allegedly, misogynists, or who had other behaviors and philosophies undermining their credibility. We often see the field as something obsolete, complex and unapproachable.

Existentialist philosophies are not generally connected to spirituality principles or practices. Whether one believes in a deity is itself a looming existential question. For those of us, who approach spirituality with deep, and often undisclosed personal fervor or commitment, we often spend more time seeking something outside of ourselves to believe in to make meaning in our world, versus pursuing our own innate wisdom to generate ultimate well-being.

Putting aside who did or said what in the field of existentialism, what emerged for me was a bastion of important concepts underlying the “great questions” about life. I think of existential questions as part of our “soulwork” we are meant to do to make meaningful changes and set fulfilling directions in our lives. Existentialism represents key principles important to consider as we navigate our lives.

The six tenets or “truths” of existentialism are individuality, authenticity, consciousness, freedom, choice, and responsibility.

— We each have an awareness of our individual existence — co-existing with other unique individuals and their respective societies. We develop the concept of the “Other” to whom we must interact and with whom we compare or contrast our own self-view.. How we consider the Other can expand or restrict our personal development and fulfillment.

— We operate with a unique, individualized worldview, on several levels and through many sub-identities, initiated by what we are born into.

— We live in a chaotic, and most often, absurd world, which we feel compelled to make meaning for ourselves.

— We are free to make choices or address those choices made for us.

— We have to make new choices everyday, and must bear the responsibility and consequences of such choices in face of the unknown. Each choice (or decision), once made, eliminates other choices. Having to make choices creates anxiety and fear (rather than peace and calm). Hence, we live with varying levels of anxiety all the time.

— Due to our awareness as an individual, imbued with deep values and beliefs, there is an innate drive to live authentically. Authenticity is the degree to which an individual’s actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures to conformity.

–Society (however defined) operates largely to restrict or control an individual’s self view, life and actions (for varying reasons), with the effect of inhibiting free will and the development of that person’s potential.

— We each will be faced at some point with an “existential crisis” — or deep questioning about life’s meaning — usually upon a major loss of some kind that rocks us to the core.

— That we all will one day die generally inspires us to find ways to live fully and appreciate life’s offerings.

Existential principles can seem “dark” for many. It can feel that we are weighed down by the condition of just being human, with no way to transcend it. However, what existential principles can do is challenge our thinking, and more than that, provide a basis to empower us to guide our own lives, together with an inner faith, that transcendence toward a life of meaning and purpose is indeed attainable. Consider that these existential “rules” may very well set up the Game of Life to be played based on what we truly want our lives to outpicture. It is an even playing field from that perspective. Given the condition of being human among other humans, what do we do?

Here are some thoughts derived from existential philosophy that can ignite, rather than inhibit:

— Individualism has power in it. We are here to be unique and offer and thrive from our natural gifts and talents.

— Co-existing with the Other has great value –we are social animals –we need each other. We ultimately have the opportunity and joy to share our love with many Others.

— Though they may seem limited, our choices are more numerous than we think and mostly limited by our imaginations, lack of will, and fear of foreseeable consequences. Even though an individual can be born into nearly impossible to survive circumstances, there still remains the ultimate possibility of “thrival.”

— We can (and do) make positive meaning for our lives, even if the world seems chaotic, cruel and absurd.

— We can each address those existential challenges with a knowing confidence that loss is a part of Life’s game, and as a result of confronting these challenges, build the resilience and personal power to keep playing in appreciation of the life we have lived and will live.

— While death completes the board Game of Life, the possibilities to be gained beforehand are endless. By the time we die, life will have been lived fully and unapologetically.

For those existential questions bubbling up for you, get into quiet spaciousness –mentally and physically, and journal your answers.

Trusting that your answers lie within you is a key step toward addressing the “deep questions” which may be swirling in your mind. We can get dissatisfied and restless with elements of our lives, and seek change or adjustments. Taking the time and space to explore the answers through journaling can be helpful to open up doors of light and understanding, as well as to suggest next steps.( I find I always get an answer when I pose the question, and let that inner voice dictate.)

Consider exploring these questions with a qualified coach, to enable new action and changes for your life.

If you are at a point in your life where you feel morally challenged, that change is necessary, or you want to get over a hurdle that keeps you stuck, consider working with a coach who understands how to address existential-type questioning in the coaching process. Collaborative dialog is a powerful way of unearthing and shifting your perceptions, as well as generating empowering roadmaps for meaningful change. Before committing to a coaching program. Ask for a complimentary sample session.

Dive into the Benefits!

When you consider your life (and death) from an existential perspective, you can appreciate yourself as a pure human being and give yourself more grace and forgiveness –because your problems and preoccupations are the same we all have. They are inherent in being human.

You can realize that your problems are actually opportunities to create new directions and choices, with the full embrace of the consequences.

You can learn that moving in a definitive direction, with whatever its risks, is so much better than circling without end.

You can discover and challenge those underlying beliefs which form the basis for your behaviors, choices and actions.

You can give yourself permission to change your direction, change your mind, and change your thoughts…at any time.

You can bring more presence and gratitude to your life. You can be more Present to the opportunities to love and receive love in your wake.

You can appreciate your uniqueness and the great value you alone can contribute to others. No one else can be you. The need to be concerned about, or seeking to sit in the same shoes of others, can diminish to the insignificant.

You can rediscover how much personal power you have to change and enjoy your life. It’s the only one we have and it is so precious.

As for me, I am always asking more questions (not fewer) and allowing the answers to come in the quiet, spacious moments of journaling, meditation and sitting outside in my backyard listening to birds in the looming trees above me. Sometimes the answers surprise me, but there is always a reassuring tone of “you’ve got this.”

As an introvert who has adapted to a largely extroverted world of others, with years behind me of a fast-track, pressure-cooker lifestyle in large companies, I now take daily, deep forays of fascination into my inner world. Before, I would bury my impulses to ask myself what they were, or that they mattered. Recently, I have been exploring the concept of Longing. Deeply, and in community of other seekers. I am finding that this topic bears sharing my own personal insights in order to ignite a similar journey for any of you that are grabbed (or even curious) by this blog title.

What is Longing? How is it different from a Want or a Desire? The term “Yearning,” perhaps, is closer to what Longing is. A Want or Desire seems transitory or fleeting and is often situational or conditional. Many, if not most longings are for something or someone that may seem (immediately) unattainable. 

For me, a Longing is very deep, usually sourced from the bittersweet memories and emotional enigmas of your personal narrative, is consistent in its unexpected emergences over time, and can stir your heart, tingle your skin, moisten your eyes, and ignite your excitement when you are near to, or can clearly imagine what you most yearn for. 

John ‘Donohue shared in his book, “Eternal Echoes” 

“Longing is the deepest and most ancient voice in the human soul…When you learn to listen to and trust the wisdom of your soul's longing, you will awaken to the invitation of graced belonging that inhabits the generous depths of your destiny.”

As women, it is easy to have Longings we can identify, for we have brains and sensibilities which can more easily integrate our feelings, thoughts and memories, and make sense of them. (Or so I believe).  However, what we long for may not be clear, and can even be based on questionable premises. If I long for family closeness or belonging, is it because I did not experience it growing up, or that I did? If I long for true, unconditional love, have I watched so many romantic films that I have brainwashed myself against accepting less than that or being more pragmatic?  If I long to be seen and understood, how do I know that I’m not the one that keeps people from seeing and understanding me? Does Longing come from the lack of something I never had, or if I had it, it went away? Do I myself thwart it?

Yes, we can thwart the attainment of our longings, or find that there are shaky or unclear foundations that we need to explore. We can feel trepidation and fear that if our longing is close to realization, we may still lose it or be hurt by it.

There can also be deep disappointment when your longings are so close to attain and then not met. We can retreat easily back into our cave of safety, and hold the bittersweet memory of “I tried” close to our heart, believing it’s not okay to long for what we long for. Yet, a longing doesn’t go away really; it sits within the core of our identity, because there is a pull toward its attainment, not a push. We are meant to go there. My deep longing for full creative self-expression is often thwarted by an inner belief that I cannot create fully what I visualize, and then I stop creating.

Having longings does not change, and they are never really suppressed. They pop up when you least expect them too, and realizing what they really are can be unexpected. I recently articulated, having done some journaling, that it is my ongoing longing for peace and harmony since I was a child (away from a chaotic, noisy world) that drives my delight in solitude and completely immersive experiences (e.g., feeling transported, losing myself), including making art, writing, meditation, listening to beautiful music, experiencing great stories among the varieties of multimedia, virtual reality and even skydiving. If I am not engaging in an immersive experience on an almost daily basis, I feel deeply misaligned and “off.” These days, it is a longing that I get to satisfy more than not. However, even once satisfied, the longing remains.

From a spiritual standpoint, does “God” or the Universe guide us toward the fulfillment of our longing and also keep us “safe” from the dangers?” The poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, tells us in his poignant poem,

Go to the Limits of your Longing

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,

then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,

go to the limits of your longing.

Embody me.

Flare up like flame

and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.

You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

Is spirituality a helpful guide to support us toward the complete fulfillment of our longings?

Your inner knowing knows best…if you ask.

Ultimately, I believe we all share the longing for connection and belongingness in this big world of ours. Connection to one another, connection to meaning and purpose, connection to our inner self, connection to that which is greater than ourselves. And more.

Longing is the inner ache of that which wants to become and emerge.

“Your longing is your becoming.
It is the call of your future self
whispering to you through the veil of the present.”
John O’Donohue, Eternal Echoes

So, my invitation to you is to acknowledge you have longings, explore them including their sources, and what may get in the way of fulfilling them. Decide what they mean, from where they are sourced, and what the risks really are to seek to experience them in the reality of your life. Longings do mean something and color and to make our destinies vibrant. They live in the space of Self called Soul, and have their own spaciousness and freedom to dance, light you up and evolve as you do.

Here are some journaling questions:

1. What is it that you do not have or experienced, but have always yearned for? Have you ever had or experienced it? Remember your child-self and what s/he longed for. What has changed?

2. Have there been deep disappointments because of this longing?

3. What need or desire is really underneath it? Keep digging.

4. What is the underlying emotion you feel or desire to feel when you notice or dwell on your longing? 

5. Does your life feel incomplete without it?

6. What does it mean to you if you never do fulfill your deepest longing? What does it mean if you give up?

7. What does it really mean to you to fulfill it? What would be true if you did?

What are the very next steps you could take today to move toward it, however small? Do any of these induce fear or excitement? If fear, what is the worst that could happen? Is it still worth it? Are you willing to take that step? 

“In longing we move, and are moving, from a known and abstracted elsewhere to a beautiful, about-to-be-reached someone, something, or somewhere we want to call our own.” David Whyte, Consolations.

Be curious, come awake and keep flowing in the sea of Longing…

Amidst the chaos of these crazy and even unbelievable days, I often forget music. I can go for days without attending to listening to music for the pure joy and comfort of it. I completely forget how music has so many healing properties. No other sensory thing can concurrently fill your heart, ignite memory, spark your aesthetic senses, move your body or expand your consciousness to a higher level. Music – whatever you love and moves you. Lately, I have really been delving into so much music, and I find it's making a huge difference in how I feel and get through my days. My heart is lighter and hopeful.

I have always collected and created music playlists when I was a child – as soon as there were such things as cassettes and recorders. Before that, I had favorite records and I’d lie on my back listening not only to the stories but to their soundtracks. On my parents’ records, I’d pay attention to the lilt and nuance in voices and orchestral harmonies. I would start “feeling” and then I could be transported and my imagination would take flight. When I came into contact with bossa nova (Sergio Mendes, to be exact), I felt as though the sun was shining only on me. The day actually felt free and breezy. Music from Broadway shows, like West Side Story, or The King and I, had me dancing, waltzing or jumping. 

 As a shy, introverted kid, I swam in the oceans of music. In addition to R&B and Pop,  I also loved “straight-up” jazz, jazz vocalists, the easy listening genre and soundtrack music. Lush, orchestral harmonies spoke to my soul. Anything that was beautiful and stirred my heart, I loved. I was dumbfounded and hurt that despite the many piano lessons and countless hours of practice, I did not have a talent for making music. So listening and absorbing music became my mainstay.

Music is literally in my blood. My maternal grandparents were blues and jazz recording and performance artists and music business entrepreneurs. My mother was a musical stage singer and actress. My father also loved music, especially jazz, and during my high school years (after my mother died suddenly) and beyond, we would share new music and record together. Whenever he’d visit me in college, law school, and  during his trips to visit me when I was a working lawyer, he would hand me a few cassettes with a knowing grin. I, in turn, would offer mine, or we would play my music, and he would select and ask for a recording. Music was a key part of our bond. So I can play his music and re-experience his presence.

Music was always playing soundtracks for me as I journeyed into phase after phase of my life. You know how it is. One song replayed can transport you back into exactly where you were and how you were feeling. Your cells remember everything and can replay those memories on demand. The way the music touches you – a tiny lilt or shift in melody or tone, or even the lyrics that accompany the music can speak your life to you. You can call in any emotion just by playing a tune. 

Music is, scientifically, a healing property. You can do your research, but I’ve learned that it can:

• Synchronize brain waves, producing alpha brainwaves associated with relaxation. 

• Increases dopamine, which can help relieve feelings of anxiety and depression. 

• Decreases cortisol, a hormone associated with stress. 

• Activate endorphins, which are natural pain relievers. 

Calming, pleasing music is a coping mechanism which help

• mental well-being

• to significantly lower stress levels and improve overall mental well-being. 

• to create a sense of peace and tranquility

• to cope with difficult emotions

• you cope with difficult emotions or situations 

So, when the world feels like it’s crashing in,  in addition to getting quiet, taking walks and meditating, let’s not forget the Music! Get those playlists you already have or create some new ones – anything that can calm, soothe, center, transport, inspire and ignite new feelings of joy and hope. Explore new music too. For every song or artist you love, there are breadcrumbs to many others – to surprise and delight you. For those of you who are visual, look at live or recorded musical performances!  They abound on YouTube. 

And yes, when you feel you just have to let loose and cry, I know you have those songs that reach into your heart and inspire your tears of release.

Just trust this –there is gold within you and music can call it out. And don’t forget the music that makes you dance!

Start compiling your Playlists for Comfort, Release, Joy and Upliftment!

As for me, at this moment, I am in the mood for beautiful joy and will go off and listen to the music of Joe Hisaishi, who scores those wonderful Ghibli movies! 

During my last year before retirement, I participated in a mental health training session at work, and for the first time, I had to consider the state of my own mental health. At that time, we were in the middle of the Pandemic. During those days alone in my home, I had to adjust to working with colleagues and clients who had been able able to walk into the door. Infusing connections and building relationships in person was a high point of how I enjoyed my job.

I was, and still am one of those people who can usually push through and accept stress, depression and anxiety as a part of work life that unexpectedly comes and goes in waves. Whether it is the weight of work demands, or the urgent needs of loved ones, there is no easy way to disconnect, run away or hide under a rock to recover your peace of mind. In the age of the Pandemic, and now, in the age of fierce disruptions in our country and in the world, there are especially no convenient escapes — except to go inside the deep recesses of the same mind that is apparently making you feel miserable.

Yet, the willful ignoring of your negative feelings or mindset is what does the real damage. That leads to lack of sleep, overindulgent eating, numbness, self-imposed isolation, and snappish behaviors toward others who fall within your path. It deepens the hole of misery because you don’t unearth it to release it. The better version of your Self takes a hike and says “see you later– until you’re nice again.”

Pretending that stress, depression and anxiety are part of your natural make-up and that the grand “push” every day is all that is needed to get through it– leads to unanticipated and unwanted results. The very things you dread become attracted to you, validating the sources of your distress. 

Now, you can find your way to transform it.

What I’ve learned to do…

I notice, I stop, I pause,  and take a deep breath and simply  acknowledge and accept my state of mind. I don’t ponder the cause of it — I just notice that I am queasy and unsettled. From that place, I simply ask, “so what now?”  What can I do in this moment to do a reset? How can I see and feel this differently?

I Recognize the Lie I May be Telling Myself —  Most often there are recurring negative thoughts that drive the symptoms of mental distress  — and which aren’t really true. Asking yourself  “Is this absolutely and completely  true”  is one of the most powerful tools for a mind-shift. It opens up spacious possibilities for alternative thinking when you otherwise feel imprisoned by your mind.  If a thought is causing distress, chances are that the core of it has no absolute truth to it, and further chances are that it’s sourced from Fear — False Evidence Appearing Real. Affirming that it’s just a repetitive, transitory thought, separate from who you really are, removes its power over you. You have freedom to choose another point of view.

Gratitude — what in this moment am I grateful for? For me, these answers most often are the fundamentals — I am breathing, I am healthy, I can walk, talk and perform. I can take of myself. I have a roof over my head, with heat and air. My refrigerator is full. I have some money in the bank. I have people I love and who love me. Most are a phone call away to support and encourage me. I am never really alone. I have a personal relationship with My Higher Source, who does not fail me when I call. 

Belief in My Own Resilience — In this moment, I acknowledge my ability to gain strength from exercising the muscles of healthy responsiveness. I say “this too will pass, as the clouds do.” I know that this mindset is temporary and that in this moment, I will not take actions which hurt myself or others. “I am Enough” for this moment and more. 

I have the Power to Shift — Through this conscious pause, I regain my sense of autonomy and confidence that I have the ability to change my mind. That I am not helpless. I can get up and shake my body, take a short walk, call a friend for a quick hello, hug my dog or decide to commit to do something I enjoy when the work day ends. 

I know that I am So Much More than “this.” In the moment of awake-ness to my state of mind, I can remind myself that this is not who I am. I am so much more than whatever is at the root of anxiety, stress or depression. The mind and heart that is restless, sad or afraid is also creative, loving, and is connected to a higher Mind that knows everything..including all the answers to the many questions parading in my mind. I know that I am more than my body, my job, my possessions and the many negative or emotionally charged thoughts that feel true, but in fact, are not. 

Any sign of mental distress is to be recognized and acknowledged in the light of day — and not just to ignore and power through it.  Being very present to it and then shifting into truth telling, appreciation and self-empowerment, and most of all, faith, can be your greatest help when help feels futile. 

When there is mental distress, stop, see it clearly, feel it deeply, acknowledge it graciously, and let it wash over you like a wave that will recede back into the endless ocean.

In the course of a career, it is more likely than not, you will be subject to a layoff or a an elimination of your position — due to company restructures, financial losses, bankruptcies, divestitures or mergers. It happens. It’s business, they say. Then, there are also the effects of the recent pandemic and government actions. Shocks to the system. Anger bone deep. Frustrations and fear mount.

It comes as a shock as there may be little or no severance, or the pain of being walked out the door the very day the news is received, without even the opportunity to say good-bye to colleagues with whom you’ve shared a healthy percentage of their daily lives.  It’s a deafening blow to lose a job when you don’t expect it, are not financially prepared for it, and now face the difficult process of obtaining another one — especially with so much at stake for you and your family.

It’s also easy to interpret the messaging of job loss as “You’re just not valuable enough for us any more.”  Our egos get deeply bruised. We can be very hurt by the rejection. When those remaining colleagues are uncomfortable and awkward in saying good-bye and wishing us well, it’s sometimes more painful than comforting. 

It’s also easy to fall into deep fear, and even terror…the new uncertainty can become almost paralyzing. To have your world, in a matter of minutes, turn upside down, without an instruction manual to follow to guarantee quickly a happy alternative. The overwhelm of it all can present a black box when you ask yourself, “what am I going to do?”

Quiet Your Mind and Allow Yourself to be Guided

The energy of Fear becomes noisy in the Mind. When everything changes, the one thing that never does is the part of you that stands ready to serve you — sitting in the Quiet and the Still. regard the Inner Voice that feeds love, support and guidance from the Divine.  Taking time for quiet contemplation, meditation, nature walks and even prayer, will calm the mind and allow your next inspirations to calm, soothe or illumine the next step you should take. Sitting quietly for a few moments every day in gratitude for the blessings you are enjoying can also lift you toward clear-headed thinking and action.

Very early mornings are my own best times, before there is noise in the household. I meditate and I journal all the inklings I receive from the Divine, and then allow them to percolate throughout the day. When I ask for insights, they always come. I also know that when they do, they are ideas and thoughts that never would have occurred to me in my own self reliance. 

Take the time every day to stay in the quiet and receive your next set of “instructions” for your good. 

Your Empowerment Center Lies in Your Mind — Manage It Like a CEO

The one thing that is uncertain when all else feels uncertain is your ability to manage and redirect your thoughts. Your thoughts contain the source of all your empowerment — to trust in a positive outcome, to gain resilience, to access answers, to advise you, and most of all, to manage your emotions and your stress. To take the leash off your mind to travel to the most fearful of places means that you are more at risk to manifest what you most fear. If you cease to be present and in control of the quality of your thoughts, they will overwhelm and disable you. How to do that?

One Door Closed. Now, allow Light to Stream into the Opening Windows

There are no real accidents. Something so much better is ahead…and when it happens, you’ll know that all the interim pain and discomfort had a reason. Job losses can mean it’s time to move into the direction of your dreams, find the next opportunity worthy of your larger talents, reinvent your work identity, or start your own business. Job losses can create huge growth opportunities our Spirits have craved, but our Minds were too afraid to pursue. We can get pushed out of the nest — the comfort zone of our steady jobs — to fulfill more of our potential.  Staying in trust that the job loss has a larger meaning for your good is essential to the journey of transition.

Stay in the Present 

What’s true right now? Instead of allowing yourself to live in your vision of your worst fears, focus on the present moment, present day, present week.  At any given moment, what’s the very next step to focus on to meet the most important priority? How do you set yourself up to success? What are the basics? Chunk down what has to be addressed in face of the big, obvious goal of  “I need a new job. I need more money. I need…..”  In  this present moment, contemplate all that is fine right then — it could be a fully stocked kitchen, the roof over your head. In the moment, are you really okay? What is your present blessing for which you are grateful. 

Stay Clear of “Chicken Littles” and Create the Support Team Right for You

Others in your life can stir up panic and fear as well. This can become distracting and unhelpful. If it is a spouse, it’s time to become completely aligned and help one another manage your collective thoughts and stay in the present. While this can be challenging, it is critical to address the process of shifting into meaningful next steps or way of being. Your children require your confidence and your belief that like any other challenge, it will be conquered; all will be well. Those well-meaning friends who negligently throw water on seeds of fear — kindly back away. 

Consider that you do need a team of supporters, whose support you ask for, and manage. You can pull together those family members and friends who are your go-to’s for positive encouragement and help. Enable people to help you — decide in advance what you really need and let them know. Help others help you. Sometimes the help is simply to ask for positive thoughts and prayers, to check in weekly for encouragement or a bit of social time with some laughter thrown in to ease the stress. You can give them the ability to help you search for your next opportunity by giving them research tasks, share your resume with others, or simply offer meals from time to time to ease the stress of shopping, cooking or ordering out. 

Stay in Thoughtful Action

Do not sit and stew. Set a new work schedule to follow. Keep those same routines to stay healthy. Continue to exercise, spend regular time with your children, and reserve time to de-stress and relax. The mind and body need it to revive and thrive.  Make a list of meaningful to do’s. This could include assessing your current expenditures and removing all the non-essentials.There are usually a lot of hidden costs, like subscriptions you don’t need. Reset your budget. Get a budget tracker (like Mint) to make expenses consistently visible. If you have financial or tax advisors, inform them of your situation to get their best advice. Set a scheduled time to review those new opportunities and to network. Get the guidance you need for using job sites, and setting up your self-marketing materials — use YouTube and other advisory sources to get instructions on optimizing LinkedIn and other job sites. If you have been offered placement, take full advantage of their services. Stay in scheduled, meaningful action. Then, take the breaks you need to revitalize your spirit, your body and your mind. 

You Got This.

All will be well.  It’s not magical thinking, but a grand allowance of trust and faith, that you are being pulled by the future to a newer, bigger place that, from where you sit right now, will blow your mind. 

Listen for your Divine Guidance who is murmuring to you: “You Got This, because I Got You.”

When you know it’s time to make big changes toward reinvention, the Mind is fierce and can present a parade of horrors. It will lead you down the path of worry, and will display all your worst fears — the loss of security, feeling inept, rejection, humiliation and regret.  

“I just can’t do it… I’ll fail…. I am not enough for this.” Your heart palpitates and your stomach grows queasy. Fear can make you shake and shiver, whether physically or emotionally.   You imagine your failures leaving you homeless in the streets or deserted by family and friends, just because you dreamed too high. Scary stuff.

Fear is actually fueled by the energy of uncertainty, and that energy can be converted to empowering fuel by power of that same Mind. Fear only says: “This is new, unfamiliar territory, so I have to protect you.”  Fear can tell you that you are on the right road, where you need to be. In facing a journey outside your comfort zone, fear is a natural component in our DNA to generate more awareness, alertness and focus. Fear is not there to stop you in your tracks; fear is there to enliven and prepare you. It’s a higher level of energy and natural adrenalin. However, when it stops you, rather than vitalizes you, Fear becomes a whiner and defeatist. It says: “Stay here — where it’s safe. Watch from the stands–don’t go out there.”

But what if you take Fear by the shoulder, walk it into your Vision, and have a new conversation. Befriend your Fear.

Imagine another path you walk together as though exploring a new neighborhood. “Hey Fear, here is the new business I’ll be setting up for myself. And oh, see there! Those people you see are my happy clients and customers — so many I can’t count. And look there! Across the street, see my book in the window of the bookstore, with an award sticker on it.  There’s my happy family and friends gathering around me, patting my back, hugging me. And oh, here’s me, paying my bills with a smile on my face. Over there, see the places I am traveling to!  And there, the audiences I am speaking to! Then, there I am again. I look so fulfilled and healthy, doing what I love.”

And then getting more serious, you lean in and look Fear in the eye and say: “Fear — I appreciate you, you’re just trying to protect me. However, I am in charge of the journey and you can come along to ensure I stay awake while I am at the wheel on those dark nights. You and I are going to hit some patches of uncertainty, and you’re gonna come up to me screaming your head off. You will be pulling me by the collar shouting, no, no, no! So, let’s make a deal when that happens. Let’s sit again and watch this movie about my Vision, reset our focus and knowingness that where we are going is extraordinary and what we are meant to do. If we stay focused and resilient, we’re gonna be fine. When we hit a bump, just calm down and let’s get centered, knowing we always ask for some guidance and figure it out.”

To transform negative fear, to positive energy, ensure you have a Vision that is clear and big enough to fully inspire you. Imagine every detail of what it looks like, feels like. Infuse yourself with where you want to go, not where you’re afraid of going. The means to your Vision will be accomplished. There will be breadcrumbs and synchronicity that will lead you through the how’s. Manifestation feeds off trust, not trepidation. Invest in you Vision, not the fear.

By the way, consider this: if have no fear at all, you may be playing small. Your vision of reinvention is not not big enough to fully embrace and use your gifts and talents. No fear may mean that you are drawing sharp boundaries around your comfort zone, without the personal growth and ultimate fulfillment you are seeking. Reinvention means that there will be the “New” to tackle. However when “New” is embraced fully, it eventually becomes part of an expanded comfort zone. Consistent exercising your muscle of growth and learning to address the “New” will also work to dispel the self-harming side of fear.

Always return to your Mission, your Purpose….your reinvention is coming, and being faith-filled with a manifesting mind is important. Walking your talk is the next journey…walking in faith that that you were put here to make a difference based on everything you’ve done, been, felt and experienced, You have an audience waiting for you and your ancestors are in the bleachers cheering you on. It’s your time and your future awaits, but create the dream and infuse it with energy. There is now no space for the fearful thoughts to overwhelm you.

Instead, let the power of your Vision wash over you.

How does the phrase — “I am not enough” — become an imaginary banner in our lives? Is it something we are born to as we separate from the magical space of the womb? Once separated, do we feel a a large void created of lostness? The reverse of wholeness? Does all our safety goes away once we emerge from the womb? Are we born into a new void of helplessness?

We are born feeling separated. We cry as babies, grieving the loss of oneness. As we grow, While our cries fade away, we can begin to generate sighs of self-disappointment, even as we achieve enviable goals. The existential angst can remain…the haunting feeling of “I am not enough.” When that thought stays with us, it can become a syndrome, a depression, or a basis for making decisions that holds us back from realizing and living the unity that we actually never lost. We seek that sense of oneness again, in each relationship, that perfect job, that perfect home or car, or even that perfect appearance or way of being. We are always seeking to meld ourselves into a person, place or thing– to feel that sense of oneness again. Nothing is ever enough. So how could I be ENOUGH?

That thought can become an “ANT” — an automatic negative thought, churning quietly in the background. That we are are incomplete, don’t measure up, cannot “be” enough runs like a tape. When am I am enough, I will finally be who I want to be, and have what I want.

I’ve come to believe “enoughness” is a spiritual dilemma. We are always seeking to free ourselves to some ideal….some notion of perfection that is supposed to get us to “enough” — an endless circular. It’s a sprinting, exhausting race to the flag post called “Enough.”

Seeking “Enough” is the search for a holy grail. It can be relentless. Its the “holy land” which will open our rose petals for full self expression, uninhibited and whole. We long for the Voice inside to remind us, that as a progeny of our version of the Divine, there is no such thing as “enough” or “not enough” because we’ve never been separated at all.

Years ago, I once attended a Byron Katie workshop. She stands for truth-telling, to ourselves. She helps to transform thought systems by questioning them, very simply. I remember someone in the audience shared her ongoing anguish that “I am not enough.” Byron looked at her , and gently smiling with deep compassion, responded: “Enough for What?” In that moment, I felt a huge shift. As though hit with a shattering bolt, I deeply realized how fictitious the thought was, and how impossibly immeasurable “enough” was. There was no way to ever create a metric to measure it. It was a black hole that had no end. It literally made no sense.

As creatures of relativity, we compare ourselves to our ideas about others to create the illusory metric of enough-ness. We gauge whether we look or act like others do. We are constantly assessing whether we have the talents, skills, looks or achievements that others do. When we think we fall short, deep self-disappointment and even self-deprecation can follow. We can feel like “fakes” or imposters as well. In that case, however, we also swim in yet another fallacy.

We’re not here to mimic one another. We are here to inspire each other. Most of all, we are here to be uniquely ourselves, and allow our own brand of selfhood to emerge through our own evolutionary process. We are each meant just to be as unique as each snowflake’s design among so many other snowflakes, creating the oneness of snow. We each have what I call a “divine design” to celebrate and nurture. There is no measure for that, but inherently infinite. There is no “enough-ness” as there can be no true comparison between you and anyone else. There isn’t supposed to be!

You do You and I’ll do Me.

Ultimately, we can decide to swim in our own lane of self-definition. But don’t imagine a desert where you see mirages of “enough-ness.” Instead, see a vast ocean of possibility, and cultivate a deep knowingness that your own divine design, like a rose, is slowly opening its petals to reveal the rich center inside, that knows it is infinitely perfect.