Part 1: Stop the Tolerations. Reclaim Your Light.

Part One: The Hidden Pain of What You’re Still Putting Up With

I am sharing Part 1 of a 3-part essay over the next few posts from the “Living Out Loud” section of my archives. Covering what you put up with, setting boundaries and reclaiming your Light!

There are the big betrayals—the dramatic, unforgettable ones. And then there are the quieter surrenders. The daily soul-leaks. The eye-rolls we absorb. The silences we accept. The tolerations we dismiss.

A Toleration is anything you’re putting up with that drains your energy, diminishes your dignity, or dims your light.

They don’t always shout. Often, they whisper. But over time, their weight becomes unbearable.

My Own Confession

I used to tolerate one-sided friendships—the kind where I listen endlessly while the other person unpacks their life, without ever asking about mine.

I rationalized it. I told myself I was “being a good friend.” That they needed the space, that I was strong enough to hold it.

But what I was really doing was burying my own need to be seen. To be heard. To be known.

That wasn’t the only place it showed up.

I was always rushing in to be the savior. If something was needed, I was there. If someone was struggling, I’d rearrange my life to help.

I was addicted to being needed. It was the role I had played since childhood. Being useful made me feel worthy. Being indispensable made me feel safe.

Until I finally got a grip and saw what it was costing me.

I realized I had built an identity around rescue and reliability—and left little room for rest, reciprocity, or receiving.

Now? I’m more self-aware. I’ve learned to pause. 

I’ve released those friendships that see me only as a container into which to pour their woes.

I now seek to respect the autonomy and personal responsibility of the other to figure it out, handle their own business.

If they don’t or won’t, then they must learn and grow.

I don’t need to prove my goodness by sacrificing my inner peace.

What Might You Be Tolerating?

You may not even call it a toleration—yet. But your body knows. Your soul knows. Your energy knows.

• A spouse who has emotionally checked out

• Lobbed passive-aggressive or gas-lighting remarks parading as the truth

• Children who refuse to grow up

• Parents who still infantilize adult children

• Audacious in-laws who overstep with impunity

• The chronic interrupter, always taking space but never offering it

• The promotion that never materializes despite exceeding expectations

• Being talked over, mansplained, micromanaged

• Debts that are never acknowledged or repaid

• The friend who disappears until they need something

• Being taken for granted because “you” always handle it

• Downplaying pain so as not to cause discomfort

These are not small things. These are slow soul deaths.

Why We Tolerate

We don’t do it because we’re weak. We do it because we’re wired to preserve love, stability, and safety.

We do it because we watched the women before us—our mothers, aunties, grandmothers—swallow disappointment and anger with grace. We were taught: Be strong. Be kind. Don’t make waves. Be the one they can count on.

So we tolerate. Until one day—we can’t anymore.

What Toleration Does to the Soul

Every time we accept what hurts, misuses, or misrepresents us:

- A little light leaves our eyes

- A little hope leaves our spirit

- A little resentment brews in silence

Sometimes it looks like exhaustion. Sometimes it becomes rage. Sometimes it turns inward—as self-loathing, resignation, or depression.

We wake up and say: “Why do I feel so heavy?” “Where did my joy go?”

This Isn’t About Blame. It’s About Truth.

This is not a call to judgment—it’s a call to awareness.

You do not have to fix everything today. But you do need to see it.

Because you cannot reclaim your light while quietly letting it be drained.

What to do?

Examine. Uncover. Review. Admit. Own up.

Commit to Change.

Soul Reflection Prompts:

- What have I been tolerating that my wiser self already knows must change?

- What do I fear would happen if I stopped tolerating this?

- What is it costing me—emotionally, energetically, spiritually—to keep tolerating it?

- Who taught me to tolerate? And do I still want to carry that teaching?

- Where in my body do I feel the ache of unspoken truths?

Pause. Feel. Write. You don’t have to fix it all—just name it. Naming is a powerful beginning.

Then, Thank Yourself. The Work has Begun.

Coming: Daily Notes Prompts

Parts Two (Reset Boundaries) and Three (Living the New Boundaries)

- What healthy, soul-honoring boundaries look and feel like

- How to identify the root fear behind your tolerations

- Rituals, scripts, and new behaviors to help you reset

- The path to living unapologetically whole

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With Hugs for your Soul,

Angelique